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‘We can make a difference in our children’s lives’

 
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At this time of the year, one phrase should echo in our minds — a phrase born of sorrow yet filled with the promise of hope and redemption.

We have just entered the mournful period of three weeks, connecting the fast days of Shiva Assar B’Tamuz and Tisha B’Av. Rooted in the destruction of the Temple and the subsequent exiles, this period is marked for sorrow across the ages. The raabbis inform us, however, that the origin of our sorrow at this time has much earlier roots. Tisha B’Av, they maintain, was born on the day of the sin of the spies, when the generation of the Exodus lost its opportunity to enter the land of Israel.

The devastating report of the spies, recorded in Parshat Shlach, is filled with pessimism concerning the inability of the people to conquer the land. Most devastating of all, however, is the final statement of the report. Commenting on their interface with the people of the land, the spies proclaim:

“We were in our own eyes as insects; and so were we in theirs.”

A Freudian slip, centuries before Freud….

“We were in our own eyes as insects,” the spies say. We lost sight of our own value, ability, and worth. Only then, did we become devalued in the eyes of others.

Here then, the origin of true failure according to the Torah; the failure to recognize our own worth and ability.

Over this past year, a process has taken root in our own community that can provide us with a glimpse of our own power and value. Responding to the crisis of day-school affordability, a group consisting of representatives of each of the northern New Jersey day schools, rabbis, and community leaders has coalesced to form JEFG, Jewish Education For Generations. In a short time, the accomplishments of JEFG have captured the attention of communities across America, providing a vision of what a united community can accomplish.

Consider some of our successes:

• Representatives of all local day schools, across denominational lines, are sitting at the table with rabbinic and lay leaders as well as leaders of other community institutions to address the issues and implement innovative approaches.

• We have identified and are acting upon opportunities across our network for enhanced revenue generation and educational efficiencies that resulted from a unique benchmarking analysis done in partnership with Yeshiva University.

• Decisions concerning shared procurement of services, scholarship procedures, cost-cutting, and more have already been made. UJA Federation of Northern New Jersey has been instrumental in a number of these areas.

• NNJKIDS, a revolutionary grassroots effort to share the burden of our $8 million scholarship budget across the entire community, has been launched to great success. This effort is built upon the fundamental belief that the education of all children is a communal and not only a parental responsibility. The Avi Chai Foundation has generously supported this groundbreaking effort.

Already more than 1,000 families are participating at an annualized contribution rate of over $700,000. Commitments for continuing monthly contributions serve as the backbone of this program. Monies raised are being distributed quarterly to the day schools and have played a significant role in holding down tuition increases for the coming year.

• During May alone, designated as NNJKIDS month, over $250,000 was raised through new donations and a matching grant. More than 40 synagogues and 60 businesses participated in this effort, and learn-a-thons were conducted in conjunction with the day schools over the Shavuot holiday.

• Plans are being laid, in conjunction with UJA-NNJ, for the establishment of a mega-fund to attract major contributions for Jewish education in the community.

Such successes are the tip of the iceberg and provide only a glimpse of what we can accomplish together. We must recognize that we are uniquely poised to make a major difference concerning one of the most vexing challenges to confront the Jewish community today: the challenge of ensuring the continuing viability of day school education for our children.

Meeting this challenge will take sustained effort, creativity, and, above all, unity. We can achieve our goal only through total community participation. How sad it would be were we not to recognize our own power and potential. Please log onto NNJKIDS.org and join in the journey. We can and will make a real difference in our children’s lives as we ensure their quality education for years to come. We can and will set a proud standard for other communities to follow.

Rabbis Shmuel Goldin, David-Seth Kirshner, and Larry Rothwachs
Rabbi Shmuel Goldin is religious leader of Cong. Ahavath Torah in Englewood and rabbinic adviser for Jewish Education for Generations; Rabbi David-Seth Kirshner is religious leader of Temple Emanu-El in Closter; and Rabbi Larry Rothwachs is religious leader of Cong. Beth Aaron in Teaneck and president of the Rabbinical Council of Bergen County.
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RECENTLYADDED

The trauma of privilege

I have been in the center of the swirl of awareness about the unintended consequences of affluence and privilege on our children.

I meet these youngsters and their families when crisis penetrates their denial system and they arrive at Beit T’Shuvah, the recovery community I founded in Los Angeles 30 years ago. I have listened to their baffled, bewildered parents, who “gave them everything” only to have it thrown in their faces. I coined the family dynamic: “I hate you; send money.” At Beit T’Shuvah, we have been essentially “re-parenting” these children of all ages, allowing them to experience “all the disadvantages of success,” in the words of Larry Ellison.

A recent study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences finds a direct correlation between parents who overvalue their children and children who are narcissistic. Researchers found that while parental warmth was associated with high self-esteem in kids, that parental over-evaluation was not. Or, as Madeline Levine put it: “Praise is not warmth pumped in; self-esteem is not self-efficacy.” I have heard from many recovering addicts that when they feel undeserving, praise exacerbates their self-loathing and sense of fraudulence.

 

 

What we have to pay for

Toilet paper . . .

This scroll endowed by . . .

With 2+ decades spent working in the Jewish world, I’ve seen a lot of things come and go. Ideas that were considered the epitome of best practice come into vogue, run their course, and become passé.

Agencies and innovative think tanks slip away due to failure to create, implement, and execute strategic sustainability plans. Iconic thought leaders tire and fail to notice that the landscape is changing and passing them by. Then what? Now what?

 

 

The lion and the compass

Maimonides and Nahmanides had their differences.

Maimonides (d. 1204) tolerated no idea that failed the test of reason. An ancient and robust tradition of superstition among the Jews did not deter him. Maimonides either ignored or rationalized scores of Talmudic halachot based on astrology, demonology, and magic.

Maimonides denounced astrology passionately, despite its popularity, calling the belief “stupidity” and its practitioners “fools.” His argument bears emphasis: Maimonides opposed astrology primarily on scientific rather than religious grounds. The Torah prohibits divination from the sky, he ruled, not because it displays a lack of faith in God, but simply because it is false.

 

 
 
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